Da Office

 “I JUST WANT BETTER INTERNET!” It was a hot sunny day and Bob was in his office cubicle getting yelled at by a customer on the phone. “Ma’am please calm down, your CD tray is not a cup holder” said Bob calmly. “DID YOU JUST CALL ME MA’AM LOOK FOR THE LAST TIME I JUST WANT BETTER INTERNET!” screeched the customer on the phone. “Alright I can help you with that” smiled Bob. “GOOD” replied the customer. “Please listen to this classical music while I find someone who can help you with that” said silver tongued Bob, but before the agitated customer could shout anything else Bob pressed play on his (cough cough) extremely expensive beat box and pressed the phone against it. Bob leaned back on his (cough cough) deluxe shiny lazyboy and thought to himself “The system fails again” with a smug smile on his face.


The next morning Bob was in his house flicking though the newspaper when he saw something that caught his eye. “Look at all these jobs” Bob thought to himself. “Hang on a sec……..WHAT THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!” Bob shouted at the top of his lungs.” “MY BOSS IS RIPPING ME OFF!” he screeched and stormed off to work in a very bad mood.


When Bob got to work instead of walking to his office cubicle he marched up to his Boss’s office and kicked the door down. “Bob what a surprise to see you up so early. I thought you would still be in bed. Your shift is not for an hour…” “LISTEN TO ME” screeched Bob at his Boss. “I KNOW YOU’VE BEEN RIPPING ME OFF SO I WANT A RAISE”. “No raise” replied Bob’s Boss dully. “Then I quit” said Bob. “Not so fast. Do you remember that contract you signed on your first day of work?” queried Bob’s Boss. “No why?” Bob replied in an angry tone. “This one,” Bob’s boss said, as he handed Bob a piece of paper which he was horrified upon looking at. “You c..can’t ma..ke me work in till I d..d..DIE” stuttered Bob as he tried to rip the paper. “Don’t bother it’s laminated” said Bob’s Boss. Bob rushed out of the office, dashed into his office cubicle and curled up into a ball on his chair.


He sat there curled in a ball for a good hour when an idea hit him square in the head like some sort of gold brick. “I’ve got it” he thought to himself. “I just need to wait for him to leave his office”.


For the next few days he waited for his Boss to leave his office but he wouldn’t budge. A week passed before his Boss left. Bob slowly crept into his Boss’s office and began to search the paper on the desk. “Let’s see here, last will and testament, aha here it is” he thought to himself. Bob got out his cigarette lighter (that’s right he smokes) and lit it on fire. “That’s funny it’s not burning” he thought and then he realized in horror that in a cruel trick his Boss had some how made the contract fireproof.


Suddenly he heard someone coming up the stairs and an ice cold chill went down his spine. He jumped underneath the desk just as someone walked into the room. Bob couldn’t make out who it was but it looked like his Boss. The figure flicked through the paper on the desk stopping on a particular piece of paper. Suddenly the figure ran out of the room as fast as a cheetah. Bob got back out from under the desk and dashed out.


He ran straight to his desk and sat down on the chair. “I can’t believe it didn’t work its impossible” he thought to himself. “No wait, that’s it.”


For the next six months he tried everything to get rid of the paper that bound him to his job, but everything he tried didn’t work no matter how crazy the plan was. Finally he came up with a foolproof plan that was sure not to fail…because it was foolproof well…um, anyways, he came up with a foolproof plan.


He folded up a piece of (ahem) paper and headed for his Boss’s office. He walked up to the door and knocked on it. He heard his Boss’s voice saying “Aarh come in” weakly. He pushed open the door and saw that his Boss was sitting in a big lazyboy with his feet on the desk. Bob could tell he was drunk from the expression on his face. ”Hey Boss can I have your autograph?” said Bob, a small grin beginning to form. Bob knew that he had to resist the urge to laugh or his Boss would know something was up, even in his drunken state. “Well it’s true that I’m too awesome for anyone to resist me” said Bob’s Boss sounding like he was about to throw up. “So, where do you want my autograph” queried Bob’s Boss. “On this piece of paper” Bob said as he pointed to the piece of folded paper. “Here, mmm, here and done” mumbled Bob’s Boss as he signed the (ahem) piece of paper. Bob grabbed the piece of paper and rushed out of the room. He shut the door and heard his Boss spewing. He began to laugh and unfolded the piece of paper which revealed contract making him owner of the company.


The next day he walked up to his office (formerly known as his Boss’s office) and pushed the door open. He saw as usual his employee (formerly known as his Boss) sitting in his chair. “What are you doing in my chair?” queried Bob. “What do you mean YOUR CHAIR?” queried Bob’s employee. “If I remember, you signed a contract naming me owner of the company” smiled Bob handing his employee the contract. “What this can’t be………….AAARRHHHHHH” Bob’s boss screamed. “Don’t feel bad, you can still work for me” said Bob with a giant grin spread wide across his face. His employee just kept on screaming and ran out of the room. He began to feel warm inside and a beam of light shone though the window. “Looks like I’m going up in the world” Bob thought to himself. “Hmmm, let’s see!”


This Book was created and published by Jamessp.  This book was edited by Dinosp and Ms Gunson. All rights reserved.

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“Da Office”


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