Tales of Idiocy



“And that slice of bread comes to $1.50” the man at the counter said. “Um I think you’re forgetting our 1% military discount” Phoenix replied. “Oh sorry that’s only for people in the military”. “This is the worst kind of discrimination… the kind against me” Magekill blurted out in anger.  “Look our policy is if you’re not completely 100% satisfied… I hate you” and on that note, two guards grabbed Phoenix and Magekill and threw them out of ye old bread store. “Okay now I’m mad” Magekill said. “Full price for bread, what is the world coming to”.

 Chapter 2

“Well there’s only one thing to do in a time like this” Magekill declared. “Pay without the discount?” asked Phoenix. “Are you mental, I meant join the army” Magekill replied. “Um… you know we could just pay the extra cent and move on with our lives” but Magekill was not to be convinced so he dragged Phoenix up to a solider to sign up for the army. “Oh thank the maker new meat shields I MEAN SOLDIERS” the guard said. “Yeah that’s great we’re just here to sign up” Magekill said. “Oh right you’ll need these” and the guard handed Phoenix a sword and bow and Magekill a staff. “All I get is this dinky old butter knife and a splinted piece of wood” Phoenix complained. “Well what’s our first mission”? “Well a couple of days ago the king lost a bet to a wizard but the king refused to pay what he owed, so the wizard enchanted all of the guards to become fat and lazy and stupid.” “So we need you to give this bag of gold to him” said the guard and handed the bag of gold to Magekill. “Let’s go Phoenix I’ve got bread to buy and on a less important note a kingdom to save”.

 Chapter 3

“Why did we agree to this, WHY” Phoenix complained. “WE haven’t walked a mile yet and we’re already lost” Magekill yelled for they had lost themselves in a forest. “Well… let’s fight to the death and the winner cooks the loser” Phoenix suggested. “Phoenix let’s be honest for a second, you’ve had some bad ideas in your time but this is the best idea you’ve ever had.” Just then both halted for they heard a rustling in the bushes. Phoenix pulled out his bow and shot in the direction of the noise. “WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR” shouted the king as he crawled out from the bushes? “Oh…””QUICK STEAL ALL OF HIS STUFF” Magekill shouted at the top of his lungs and they both robbed the king. “At least we’ll eat tonight”.

 Chapter 4

 “I am bored out of my mind” Magekill moaned. It was night and they had set up camp after getting lost in another forest. “Well nothing like a story to pass the time” and with that Phoenix delved into the worst story that has ever had the displeasure of meeting someone’s ears. Once upon a time Phoenix and Magekill were playing a game of tennis on the moon. Phoenix won a million to three. “As you can see three is clearly a smaller number than a million”. “Oh now I understand”. They flew on a sweet sweet rainbow bridge back to free country USA. “I’m going to the showers” said Magekill. “Everything you do disgusts me” replied Phoenix. “THIS IS THE WORST STORY I HAVE EVER HEARD” Magekill shouted at the top of his lungs as he hit Phoenix with his staff.

 Chapter 5

“My head still hurts” Phoenix moaned as they walked up a rock face towards a bridge. “Quick get down” Magekill hissed. They got down. The two saw a creepy hunch back old man talking to a knight on the bridge. “What is your name?” the old man said. “I am Sir Theodore” the knight replied. “What is your favourite colour?”. “Blue” the knight replied. “What is the game?” “Well I don’t know” and with that the knight was carried up into the air with a magical force and chucked off the side of the bridge. “Well we’re doomed” said Magekill.”My only regret is not giving up sooner” “wait I have a plan” said Phoenix and walked up to the old man. “What is your name”? “Phoenix”. “What is your favourite colour”? “Red”. “What is the game?” “Are you talking about the game or the game 2”. “Well… I don’t know” and with that the creepy old man was picked up and thrown of the bridge. “Works every time”.



Chapter 6

“Hey have a look at that creepy house over there” Phoenix pointed out as they walked on a mossy footpath. “Um… that’s where the wizard lives” Magekill replied. “Oh now you tell me” Phoenix replied. “I thought the grumpy old wizard DO NOT DISTURB sign was a big enough of a hint but I respected your intelligence too much”. They both walked into the hut to find (surprise surprise) a wizard. “WHO GOES THERE” hissed the wizard. “Yeah that’s great I’m just here because of some money dispute garbage” Said Magekill handing the bag of gold to the shady wizard. “Oh sorry wait this is half of what the king owed me” said the angry wizard. “Wait here’s the other half” said Phoenix giving it to the wizard. “GET OUT OF MY HOUSE” the wizard shouted so they both ran out of the hut. “So what do you want to do now?” Phoenix asked Magekill. “I don’t know about you but I have some bread to buy”.


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Blasted to Smithereens @ Lazer Force


lazers were flying at me from all directions and there wasn’t a second to lose. I sprinted over to red base only to have a person waiting at a corner blast me into smithereens. It was during the holidays,I was with the lighthouse daycare and I had been thrown into a chaotic game of lazer force down in wellington.

Dispite joining the game mid round, I knew the secret to winning. it was the targets. They were scattered all over the battle field but if you managed to shoot one, you would rack up ten times the points you would get for shooting the other team. Because of the targets I managed to come 4th out of my 16 player team.

After you played a game of lazer force you could wind down on the huge array of arcade machines. There were LOADS of them everywhere, but there was also LOADS of people on the arcade machines. Most of the time you were just watching someone play star wars pinball, but every so often someone got off so you could have a go.

At one point while I was playing a game of lazerfroce, there were two girls standing straight in my base. Everyone was shooting them but rather than running away they just stood there begging them not to shoot. I joined in the shooting and “surprise surprise” came 1st  in that round.

I enjoyed Lacer Force mainly because I came between first and third in all the games I played, but even if you didn’t win it would still be a fun experience.

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at school we’ve got pen-pals. A pen-pal is someone that you write to about anything you want. We usually writ the letters about once a month, but sometimes the gap in between sending the letters can be much greater or much less.

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New Post, New Art


a picture

It’s been ages since I did this and we’ve had the hoildays in-between But it was still worth a post. As I was creating this the paper kept ripping, so I had to keep some tape close at hand. However I was still the first one finished.

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The Marae


Marae Trip

Last Thursday my School went down to hongoeka marae. Some of us went down in the teachers and parents cars while some of us took the bus. I was stuck on the bus with the juniors. The journey seemed to take no time at all, and in no time flat we were getting out of the bus.

We were stuck outside for 5 minutes before we were even allowed inside the marae because of the welcoming Sermonie. Even when we did get in we had to listen to huge speeches… IN MAORI. I didn’t understand a word of it so I was very confused about it. Then we had to get up and touch noses with the Maoris (a sort of greeting).

Once everything had settled down we walked up to the kitchen and had morning tea. The only thing we got was one biscuit and a almost flavorless drink of juice. I ate my biscuit, drunk my juice and then rushed down to my bag. My mum had packed some food in there so I gobbled down what was in my bag.

Then the seniors (as in me) left for the nearby waua farm. It was a short walk, and we were there in about two minutes. when we got inside there were pauas everywhere. there were trays with pauas in them with buckets perspended above them. the buckets were slowly filled with water and when there was to much water the buckets would tip the water on the paua to mimic the tide.

A little while later we walked back to the marie. as we sat back down on the grass the juniors got up and left for the paua farm. We had some free time so some of the seniors started playing cards. I watched them but after a while it got boring. I got up and had a look around but I didn’t find anything intresding though.

Then we all were called in to the wharenui, to listen to a speech about the marae. It was interesting at first but the I got bored, so I started to draw. Even that got boring (which is one of my favourite pass times) So I lay down on my mattress and fell asleep… I’m not joking.

After that we headed up to the nearby upura (graveyard). Apparently during the speech the juniors had left the marie. the path to the urupa was ALL UPHILL. my legs had pratctickly melted my the time we had reached the top. we only stayed up there for a while before returning.

After that we got loads of free time. I couldn’t think of anything else to do so I got out some paper and started drawing. It was a while before anything else happened, we were all called in for dinner. We all got to chose our ingredients for our own burger. I just had cheese and tomato sauce in mine.

After dinner the girls marched out to do weaving while the boys (as in me) stayed to do kapa-haka. We were all there for about two or three hours. it was about 10:00 when we got out, and by that time my legs had become the equlavent of jelly.

We had just half and hour of free time. I tried to find something to do, but I couldn’t so I turned in elary (well technically since it was like 10:15…). I lay there for hours but I couldn’t get to sleep. It must of been about 1:00 when I finally got to sleep. I woke up again a few hours later to find everyone snoring like a badly tuned orcritsta, but I managed to fall asleep again.

Finaly it was morning. I was one of the first to wake up. Slowly one by one everyone got up and went to the kitchen to have breakfast. I just had some toast and some juice.

A few hours later we were called up to make our lunches, I just made myself a ham sandwich. Then a few minutes later it was anonced that we would be walking to the train station and that our our gear would be drivin back. We all packed our stuff into cars and set of for the train.

The walk was HUGE, it must of taken 2 hours before reached the train. The train we were taking hadn’t arrived yet so we went down to the nearby beach. Lots of trains zoomed past but it took about an hour for the right train to arrive. So we all got on and headed back home.

In the end I liked the trip but I still wanted to go home

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St pats twilight fair


on St Patrick’s day my school hosted a HUGE fair for well… St Patrick’s day.

There were heaps of stalls containing all sorts of interesting things… food cakes toys you name it. they even had SNOW CONES. I bought a sausage and some candy floss.

I was preforming a few songs on my violin and the school keyboard.  the first few songs I played were great but i got muddled up on the last one. Lots of people congratulated me on playing so well but i was still embarrassed about messing up.

After that I left the fair about ten minutes later.

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The Sun


The sun’s surface temperature is 6000C, however the inside is much hotter. The Sun is about 75% hydrogen and 25% helium this combination changes over time. All of the planets go around the sun. Some are closer to the sun than others. The speed, with which they orbit the sun, differs greatly. The Greeks call the sun Helios. The sun’s name comes from the Romans who called it Sol.

 During a solar eclipse the moon passes between the Earth and Sun. When this happens, light from the Sun is blocked off for a short time. Some people believe that the sun is a planet. The Sun lacks the materials needed to qualify as a planet. It consists of gases, whereas planets are made of  rock, ice and or dust etc.

 The sun is the only star that we can see during the day.

The Sun’s energy is produced by nuclear fusion reactions. It generates 386 billion megawatts of energy. The Sun’s centre is about 15 million degrees C.

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My Book


be shure to read my new book Da Office


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Author: Andy Griffiths

Audience: 10-12 year olds

Description: the book is about a school named northwest southeast central school who gets thrashed every year in the northwest inter-school athletics competition by the northwest academy. But this year they have a secret weapon a dancing banana!

Why you should read it: If you’ve read any of Andy Griffiths other books (and enjoyed them) then you’ll LOVE this book. even if you haven’t looked at any of his other books it’s still worth a read.

score: three and a half stars

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Toy Story 3


i just watched Toy Story 3 yesterday and if you haven’t watched it yet I’d recommend watching it. It’s an awesome movie, i’m not going to give any of the plot away but if you enjoyed the first two then it’s a much watch!

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